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Saturday, 2 April 2005
Farwell to the Pope
Mood:
 sad
Topic: My Spiritual Journey
The passing of Pope John Paul II has provided opportunity for me to reflect on the course of my own spiritual journey. I was about nine years old when our previous Pope had died and John Paul II became our new Pope. I remember it well. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school. So needless to say this was a big deal and even on a personal level it grabbed my attention. At this point in my life I had not questioned my faith. I had accepted it all quite matter of factly. Being Catholic was simply just another facet of who I was and without question. Just as I am English, Irish, Scottish, Maltese and Egyptian -I was Catholic. It wasn't until my late teens when I began to question. But as I reflect on those questions I know now that it wasn't really those things I disagreed with but the disconnect I felt that left me feeling empty. When I was growing up I loved religion class. I loved learning about the Bible and Jesus. I even loved learning about Mass and the significance of its ritual elements. I loved learning about the sacraments and recieving them - well for the most part. I think it was confession that lead my rebellion but again not until my late teens. But going to Church was never something that struck any sort of spiritual cord in me. Now in my late teens I had gone off to University and that did not involve any religious education. I would think about going to Church and tried on several occasions to make this a part of life but to know avail. I felt like I was just going through the motions and without Church I didn't know what else to draw on since I no longer had my religious studies. My Father died in my early twenties and again I had nothing from my Catholic faith to draw on. Church seemed to me the centre of the Catholic faith and its what housed everything including strength. The death of my Father deepened the wedge between me and being Catholic and not only that it also created a wedge between me and God. All of my anger went toward God and I even started questioning his existence. For the first time in my life I had doubted the existence of God. I gone from full acceptance without question to questioning everything and dening all acceptance. I then met a Witch and learned that the house of my faith was inside me. Look Within - this is where your God is, this where your strength resides. Never fear to question but look within the house of your soul for your answers are there.
The passing of the Pope has brought me back to when I was that young girl you accepted without question. And actually it is a really neat feeling. Now that I am at peace with my faith I now accept my Catholic unbringing as a wonderful part of my spiritual history. Experiences in our past contribute to who we are today and that little girl of my past is still treasured in my heart today.
Even after my first introduction to the Pagan path it took me awhile to committ this journey. It was hard to let go of my Catholic past and it was awhile before I was truely able to look within and discover that I don't have to let go of everything that I believed in order to become Pagan. This is a personal jouney. It is ok to question and accept what is there within you. The passing of the Pope represents the passing of that little girl who never questioned and accepted everything and the passing of that young adult you questioned everything but accepted nothing. Now I question when necessary and accept what is within Me. When we can do this we then realize that others too are acting in accordance to what is housed in their soul. Tolerance and acceptance of all develops and for me this includes the Catholic faith which in my young adult years I looked at with only intolerance. The Pope reached out to other faiths and only wanted peace and love between the faiths. He was truly a great man.
The Popes passing marks the end of chapter in my religous journey. It is like I am that much less Catholic now. I will miss that little girl but I will also move forward with the strength that resides within.
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