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Sunday, 29 January 2006
A Time for Change!!
Mood:
 happy
Topic: That's Life
Well, I talked to my boss this week about leaving my present position as Team Leader and going back to front-line work as a CaseManager. For the past four years I have the Team Leader for our Activity Centres and prior to that I was a Case Manager for 5 years. My boss seemed to pretty supportive of the idea and agreed that the timing is not too bad. I interview for the position this coming Thursday.
I have been thinking about making this change for some time now. Being a CaseManager was much more meaningful to me than being a Team Leader. I miss working with our clients. I really did not get into this field to do administration and staff development.
Last Sunday I did a Tarot card reading using a job decision spread. It was interesting in that the main focus of consideration turned out to be my relationship with my boss. The cards basically indicated that change of direction is needed because the relationship with my boss is not healthy and could lead to illness. I tell you, I have been working directly under that woman for the past nine years (she was the Case Manager Team Lead when I was Case Manager and then we both moved up at the same time)and I am so looking forward to the poosibility of working under someone more rational and fair!
Well, that's my week in a nut shell!
BB Dana
Saturday, 10 December 2005
Topic: Chandrian Chronicle
Well, I have sure have been away from my site and my blog for sometime now. With my Sister's's illness I had become quite distracted. She had surgery to remove a non-cancerous tumor on her adrenal gland last October and is now back to her old self. It is over but it has taken me awhile to get back into my regular routines. My youngest also started grade one this year and this has been a difficult transition for him since he did not go to Junior or Senior Kindergarten. We have started seeing a Psychologist out at CPRI to explore his anxiety issues so I this certainly has been a difficult and busy time. I have maintained my spiritual practices as best I can since I have learned that in order to get through difficult times it is imperative. But it is time to get back to focusing on my Dedication Ritual which I was not able to do as planned due to my Sister's illness. Lately I have been working on writing out the ritual but as of yet I have not planned when I will actually perform it.
Sunday, 21 August 2005
Set Back
Mood:
 hug me
Topic: Chandrian Chronicle
I was unable to perform my Dedication ceremony which I planned to do this past August 4th. On the Thursday prior to this my sister went into the hospital with chest pains. The first thing we learned was that she had experienced a minor heart attack. This was unbelievable at best since my sister is only 30 years old. That night she had been transferred from our local hospital to a major hospital in London. The next day we found out that she had myocarditis (spelling??) which is a virus that attacks the heart. On August the 4th she was still in the hospital. I was exhausted and had not yet finished writing out the ceremony. And even at that my mind was not focused. So needless to say the ceremony just didn't happen! She was in the hospital for a week and two days total and has been struggling ever since to regain her health. Things got worse last week. She has been struggling with headaches, nausea and vomiting. Last Monday it appeared that her headaches were only getting worse so we took her back to emerge. She had a cat scan done but nothing was revieled. She was discharged with pain medication. My sister sat in lobby as I went down the hall to the change machine so that we could feed the parking fee. I was having trouble so my brother-in-law ran down to help me. As we were farting around with the damn machine I caught a look at my sister who was now on her feet staggering. Her head was in her hands. I swear it looked as though she had been shot in the head. We ran. A nurse got her in a wheel chair and she was shacking. She spent the next fifteen minutes vomiting. She was admitted. These weren't headasches or even migranes. Over the course of the week she had more tests including an MRI which also revieled nothing. But the good news is is that her heart continues to get stronger and is expected to regain full its full strength. What they have determined is that this virus most likely started in her spine and migrated to the heart. Well, she is at home again and taking it day by day towards a slow recovery.
My plan now is to perform my ceremony on the next New Moon which I believe is September 4th. A Saturday - Much Better anyway!
Sunday, 19 June 2005
Topic: Book of Days
Over the past couple of weeks I have continued with preparations for my dedication ritual which I plan to hold on August 4th. This will be a night of the Noon Moon perfect for new beginnings. The candles I have purchased are on my permanent altar and on each Monday, for nine weeks, prior to the ceremony I will light the white candle and recite the following prayer:
"Gaurdians of the Gates I Welcome You. Protect me on my path toward dedication and initiation and, by your will, open the gates between the worlds so that I my request may be heard and acted upon without harm to myself.
Gaurdian Angel, come to me, come to me. I need you. I invite you. Protect me on my path toward dedication and initiation. May whatever I need for the ceremony come to me. So mote it be" (Silver Ravenwolf: Solitary Witch).
I began this two weeks ago, also on the night of the New Moon.
I have and will continue to meditate nightly (or as much as possible).
BB Dana Moon
Sunday, 29 May 2005
Mood:
 a-ok
Topic: Book of Days
This Book of Days will cronicle my journey through the Five Degree System of Shanddaramon presented in his book Self-Initiation for the Solitary Witch.
This week I began preparations for my Dedication Ceremony. This has included writing the Ceremony and purchasing some of the items I will need. I bought three large candles at the Superstore - a green one to represent the Goddess, a red one to represent the God and a white one to represent Spirit, the single source. I also went to Angels to Avalon in hopes of finding my gift. I wanted something with a moonstone and was thinking of a pendent. Pat, the store owner, didn't have one in but said that she would pull some of her cataloges for me to take a look at sometime this week. She did have a beautiful moonstone ring though which I bought so either way I will be prepared. I also picked up the smaller candles that I will need - one black and one white. The black represents the darkness of the New Moon, Hope and new beginnings. The white represents the light that always follows the New Moon and manifestation of our hopes and dreams. I chose moonstone because it also relates to new beginnings. It is the stone for hoping and wishing.
Sunday, 1 May 2005
Disconnect
Topic: My Spiritual Journey
My neighbors across the street celebrated the orthodox Easter today. I didn't even know there was an orthodox Easter until today. Anyway, it made we wonder if this was some connection to Beltanne. And then I wondered if the anchient people hunted for Easter eggs on Ostra or Beltanne. I thought this might be a silly thing to wonder since the ancient people probably did not celebrate Sabbats or relgious holidays like we do today. Eggs were an important symbol of fertility and they probably decorated them but I am not so sure they hunted for them. I don't know. Maybe they did. What I did realize though is that I am still a victum of modern societies disconnect. We have separated our religious lives from our everyday so much that we only consider colouring or hunting for Easter eggs only on Easter. Hot Cross Buns are only for sale a week or before Easter and once Easter's done that's it. For ancient people these activities were a part of everday life and done throughout the spring season. They celebrated the bounties of the season everyday.
BB Dana
Saturday, 30 April 2005
I Saw!!
Topic: That's Life
Oh My GOD! I just finished watching the movie Saw and all I can say is "OH MY GOD!!" I don't know what to say about this movie. It is incredibly gorry, disturbing and a tad bit annoying (there are a few parts in it that just want to make you say "Stupid"). I mean, I'm not sure why anybody would actually want to put themselves through this movie because it is really kind of torturous - and not just the premise of the movie but this is a movie that you just can't shake. The only reason I can think of is that it really is an awsome movie. I am expecting that there will be a sequal - if there is not then the torture just won't end. Anyway, I hope there is a sequal - well sort of.
Oh well, so much for sweet dreams tonight.
Sunday, 24 April 2005
Chandria
Mood:
 happy
Topic: Chandrian Chronicle
Today I completed my initiation into the Moon Maiden Circle of Chandria. The Chandrian Order is a mystical sisterhood whose mission is to cultivate women of beauty, power and truth. A woman of beauty loves herself. A woman of power believes in herself and a woman of truth knows herself. The order has no religious affiliation but there are many Wiccans/Pagans there who find themselves most at home. Chandria means moon and this is a Moonlit Order. Working with energies of the Moon is all part of the practices of Chandria. And this is something that we Wiccans are most accustomed to - of course!
Saturday, 16 April 2005
Off Course
Mood:
 down
Topic: My Spiritual Journey
I have been feeling disconnected from my Path. I have been wandering off course. At the beginning of this year I decided to take a break from my Witch School studies and begin a new journey of learning and self reflection. I had decided to proceed with the five-degree system by Shanddaramon. However, there has been so much change at work and concerns about my youngest son have come to the forefront. It has been a difficult year. Life has become unbalanced and I have become unglued. My spiritual practice has also been scattered. I barely begin my new journey and then I begin this web-site. I have enjoyed working on this web site but it has become unfocused, vering off into every sector of my life, becoming as scattered as my life is. The intent of this website was to reflect the spiritual journey that I was about embark on. So you will notice that I have begun to remove parts of this web site that don't relate directly to my spiritual journey. I need this to be a place of retreat. A place where I go and be at PEACE and rest. A place where I can get away from the chaos and troubles of my everyday life. This is what will help me to stay grounded. I have also started meditating before I go to bed again and I have been sleeping a bit better. I also joined a new group - Chandria - on the internet. See, I tell ya, I am just here there and everywhere - and getting no where. It is a place just for the ladies, young to old, to come together and share this journey of life together. It has no religious affiliation but there are many there who are pagan/wiccan. Anyway, I was beginning to wonder if I should drop out of Chandria. This was supposed to be a year when I start my own personal journey but that is all part of Chandria - so I decided to stay. And so far I am happy for it.
Saturday, 2 April 2005
Farwell to the Pope
Mood:
 sad
Topic: My Spiritual Journey
The passing of Pope John Paul II has provided opportunity for me to reflect on the course of my own spiritual journey. I was about nine years old when our previous Pope had died and John Paul II became our new Pope. I remember it well. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school. So needless to say this was a big deal and even on a personal level it grabbed my attention. At this point in my life I had not questioned my faith. I had accepted it all quite matter of factly. Being Catholic was simply just another facet of who I was and without question. Just as I am English, Irish, Scottish, Maltese and Egyptian -I was Catholic. It wasn't until my late teens when I began to question. But as I reflect on those questions I know now that it wasn't really those things I disagreed with but the disconnect I felt that left me feeling empty. When I was growing up I loved religion class. I loved learning about the Bible and Jesus. I even loved learning about Mass and the significance of its ritual elements. I loved learning about the sacraments and recieving them - well for the most part. I think it was confession that lead my rebellion but again not until my late teens. But going to Church was never something that struck any sort of spiritual cord in me. Now in my late teens I had gone off to University and that did not involve any religious education. I would think about going to Church and tried on several occasions to make this a part of life but to know avail. I felt like I was just going through the motions and without Church I didn't know what else to draw on since I no longer had my religious studies. My Father died in my early twenties and again I had nothing from my Catholic faith to draw on. Church seemed to me the centre of the Catholic faith and its what housed everything including strength. The death of my Father deepened the wedge between me and being Catholic and not only that it also created a wedge between me and God. All of my anger went toward God and I even started questioning his existence. For the first time in my life I had doubted the existence of God. I gone from full acceptance without question to questioning everything and dening all acceptance. I then met a Witch and learned that the house of my faith was inside me. Look Within - this is where your God is, this where your strength resides. Never fear to question but look within the house of your soul for your answers are there.
The passing of the Pope has brought me back to when I was that young girl you accepted without question. And actually it is a really neat feeling. Now that I am at peace with my faith I now accept my Catholic unbringing as a wonderful part of my spiritual history. Experiences in our past contribute to who we are today and that little girl of my past is still treasured in my heart today.
Even after my first introduction to the Pagan path it took me awhile to committ this journey. It was hard to let go of my Catholic past and it was awhile before I was truely able to look within and discover that I don't have to let go of everything that I believed in order to become Pagan. This is a personal jouney. It is ok to question and accept what is there within you. The passing of the Pope represents the passing of that little girl who never questioned and accepted everything and the passing of that young adult you questioned everything but accepted nothing. Now I question when necessary and accept what is within Me. When we can do this we then realize that others too are acting in accordance to what is housed in their soul. Tolerance and acceptance of all develops and for me this includes the Catholic faith which in my young adult years I looked at with only intolerance. The Pope reached out to other faiths and only wanted peace and love between the faiths. He was truly a great man.
The Popes passing marks the end of chapter in my religous journey. It is like I am that much less Catholic now. I will miss that little girl but I will also move forward with the strength that resides within.
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